


it is how it has to be

by readwritereview



Category: The Tensorate Series - J. Y. Yang
Genre: Gen, Gender, Gender-Neutral Pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 20:19:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15127091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readwritereview/pseuds/readwritereview
Summary: "Children were never a part of the womanhood that Sonami had just started to envision."After the Head Abbot leaves, Sonami has a conversation with their mother. (Takes place after chapter one of the Black Tides of Heaven.)





	it is how it has to be

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Discussions of forced pregnancy and gender identity.

“So I must have a child,” Sonami repeated, voice and palms steady, “if I am to delay entrance to the Academy and raise the twins.”

“Not just a child. _Grandchildren,_ Sonami,” said the Protector, with the barest hint of irritation. “The way things are unfolding, those two may not be the last blood prices we will have to pay. And your skills in slackcraft are of great use, far above that of your sisters - siblings,” Protector Sanao corrected herself, waving her hand in the direction of the twins. “It would do us good if this were true of your children as well. Besides, you need not bear them, not directly. Though I gather that is the likely path for you.”

Sonami grit their teeth. It was true, then, that the Protector had noticed their recent slip-ups, their rare and careless use of the female _I_ pronoun. Lately, doing so had started feeling correct in Sonami’s head. In their recent dreams and daydreams of the future, they had imagined themselves as a less severe version of their mother, with similar mannerisms and styles of speech, cloaked in similar robes.

But children were never a part of the womanhood that Sonami had just started to envision. The past few months of seeing Protector Sanao visibly and heavily pregnant were greatly discomfiting to Sonami, and the hours spent hearing the groans of pain coming from the delivery space would haunt them for a long time after. Even now, looking at the twins, Sonami would imagine alien _things_ growing inside a womb they did not have yet, and the nausea they felt was far beyond their own comprehension.

Then there was the issue of how the children would be conceived. Sonami thought back to every person who had ever captured their attention - a striking minority of confirmed men amongst them - and knew that their future pregnancies would likely occur via the Slack. Much like their mother's. This did not sit well with Sonami. They took much pride in their skilful use of the Slack, especially in the realm of architecture, and disliked the idea of using their craft to conceive children they did not even want.

But what was the alternative? To leave the twins to the care of their unforgiving mother while Sonami joined the Tensorate, far from their reach? When it was Sonami who should have been in the twins’ position in the first place? Momentarily, Sonami cursed the Head Abbot for not making his request to the Protector clear. But Sonami knew that engaging with the Protector always carried many risks, her proclivity for loopholes being one of them.

Besides, there was no changing the past now. There was only one thing left: agreement, pure and simple. There was no arguing with Sanao Hekate. Sonami, her youngest child up until a week ago, the only one still residing permanently in the High Palace under her watchful eye, knew this best.

“I… Yes. If that is… if that is how it has to be,” Sonami said carefully. “When Mokoya and Akeha turn six…. After I bring them to the monastery, I will join the academy. And after that, Mother… after that, you will have grandchildren.”

The Protector’s answering smile was toothless and icy. The chill that ran down Sonami’s back remained at the base of their spine for the rest of the day, and well into the night.


End file.
